Monday, November 21, 2016

Hi, I am Miles and I am a New Mom!

It has been a while since I last updated this blog and, I promise there's a really good reason for my 9-month hiatus...

I was busy forming arms. 

Love at first sight

Yup, I was carrying our first child and my husband and I were figuring out this whole parenting thing (not that we are experts now... On the contrary, we are far from it... Like a whole galaxy away far...)

The first few days with our beautiful baby boy was chaotic to say the least. I wish I had prior experience taking care of an infant, I wish I knew how tough breastfeeding is going to be (I was going to attend a class but my child decided it was showtime), I wish I knew that a lot of what we went through are normal (jaundice is as common as a cold) and more importantly, I wish I didn't consult Dr. Google as much as I did --- because you know, WebMD is the fastest way to find out that you have 5 days to live.

I think part of the reason why I didn't sweat the whole idea of being a mother too much was because I like facing challenges head-on. I know, it's a pretty reckless way of thinking considering we're talking about a life of another being fully dependent on me, but I honestly never realized how tough it was going to be. I thought my the many years of pulling all-nighters in college, evenings of endless clubbing and years of working overtime was going to prepare me for the exhaustion brought about my motherhood. WRONG. If I were to compare motherhood to my career in advertising, hands down, being a mother is much, much, much tougher. At least clients tell you when they are unhappy.

Nobody told me I was going to feed my baby every two hours the first few months; that I will transform into a human zombie completely dependent on coffee; that my son will cry for a myriad of reasons and it's my job to decode it (and a lot of times, both of us end up in tears); that showers were going to be a luxury and that my life will completely revolve around the needs of this tiny human being.

On the flip side, I was also unaware that my heart can expand with so much love for someone who I just met; that I will beam with pride on the sight of someone lifting his head for 5 seconds during tummy time; that gummy smiles and sweet coos are enough to melt the exhaustion away and that I am capable of falling deeper in love with the man I married whenever I see how he is with our son.

I remember thinking on our second day at home with Michael: "I wish we could fast-forward two months from now" because I was pretty sure that things would have been "normal" after 2 months of parenthood.

It has been 2 months and 3 weeks since we brought Michael home. He now gives me a 5-hour stretch at night, we more or less have a "fixed" schedule, and his smiles and coos in the morning are what I wake up for. He is such an happy, healthy, easy-going baby. Now, as I phase out his newborn clothes, I can't help but be emotional about him growing up too fast. Instead of fast-forwarding time, there are moments when I wish we could freeze time, like when he is peacefully asleep on my arm, making the sweetest baby noises.

Soon enough, I will need to go back to work and see less of him. Just the thought of it breaks my heart a little so I am cherishing the last few weeks of my maternity leave and am finding strength in the fact that when I go to work, I am doing it for the love of Michael.

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